Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
sarcasm needs its own font
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
