guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
