I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
