his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Boobs are out for the taking
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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