You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
