K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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