wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
