that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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