i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
