Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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