I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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