he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
