I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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