I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
