My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
