I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
