being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
