I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
