i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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