Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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