Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
