Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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