You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
