Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
