I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
jump out the window naked night went bad
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