Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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