her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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