she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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