Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
