I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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