haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
porn star boner night. come get it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
