first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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