True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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