Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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