Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I looked at my own cervix.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
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my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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