I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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