She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
