can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
