I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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