That's intense
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
