first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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