Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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