Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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