Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Boobs speak an international language.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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