im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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