Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
