I'm gonna have a badass scar
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
