Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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