Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
