He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize