I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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