would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
