Operation Purity has been aborted
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
