It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
