So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
