where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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