I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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