Banned from zoo.
Again?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
