"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
