Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
