Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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