you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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