i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
