I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
