someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
