I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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