I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
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it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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