That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
