Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
